Let us decimate these little foxes destroying the vineyard of love

The 2009 census indicated that about 213,000 people in Kenya were divorced and 355,000 separated.

The divorce rate was about 20 per cent. Below are some causes of divorce.

Infidelity and promiscuity: Many married men cannot keep their zip shut.

Conversely, an increasing number of married women are involved in extramarital affairs. Infidelity is one of the legal grounds to end a marriage even in the Good Book.

Financial constraints: It is said that when poverty comes through the door, love escapes through the window. Few couples can remain true to the union in time of want; the majority are driven away by resource constraints.

Communication breakdown: Psychologists say only seven per cent of communication happens verbally; the rest is through emotions and body language.

Communication is both a big challenge and complex matter in many relationships. While there could be flow of information between them, a couple may still have issues with communication.

Language is key. Unless a couple understands each other and the language of love, they may be talking to each other and yet not communicate.

Suspicion and lack of trust: About 36 per cent of couples struggle with trust. In this social media or Information Age, especially with mobile phones, cases of suspicion are escalating.

Finances: Around 35 per cent of couples are separated by financial squabbles. The Bible says money is the root of all evil.

And somebody said where there is love there is an open wallet. But the truth is, most couples cannot handle financial matters together.

It used to be obvious that the husband is the bread winner, but in the ultramodern world, where in many cases both spouses are working class, a mutual agreement is necessary as regards handling money matters.

Disrespect: Statistics indicate that a third of all couples split due to issues to do with respect. Lack of respect kills morale and self-esteem and punctures egos.

Alcoholism: For many couples, alcohol is a big issue. Statements like “I love him but he drinks a lot” surface. If one of the spouses drinks, it is a source of mistrust.

Modernisation: Many marriages in Kenya struggle with borrowed living standards from the West. Sometimes two people get together but are worlds apart in terms of civilisation. This affects priorities and planning.

Culture: Most couples struggle to identify a working culture for their newly-formed family, especially in cross-cultural marriages.

Instead of blending their cultures to enrich each other, they allow cultural differences to drive a wedge between them. Some retreat in their cocoons and begin to resent the culture of their spouse.

In-law interference: A sixth of marriages are threatened by in-laws while slightly over half end due to third parties.

Domestic violence: One of the leading causes of separation and divorce may include physical, verbal and emotional abuse by a spouse.

Loneliness: Most people wrongly expect marriage to be the same as courtship hence taking their partners for granted.

Unresolved past emotional injuries: They say once bitten by a snake, one will ever be startled by a rope. Once bitten, twice shy.

Past broken relationships or mishandled individuals may struggle with people who project similar traits as their tormentors. Some run away from marriage due to past shadows grotesquely glaring at their matrimony.

Infertility: Childlessness at times frustrates relationships. Some opt to quit the union or engage in extramarital affairs in their quest to fill the empty crib, resulting in conflicts.

Amid increasing cases of divorce and separation, there should be sobriety in ending a relationship.

People who have shared lives should not, out of sour grapes, wash their dirty linen in public or engage in violence against each other but show mutual respect after parting ways.

ekenyan